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What does stress do to you and your goals?

What does stress do to you and your goals?

Facing Our Issues

There are soooo many stresses that you encounter daily, weekly, yearly, and
you think little about about them.

Then there are a few that stand out as being the most annoying, frightening,
and awful experiences of your life.

It’s not just Death and Taxes that are certainties in your life
It is also certain that no one’s life, no matter how well off, or
deprived it might be, no one escapes difficulties, uncertainty,
and setbacks.

Will you know when you are going to experience one of these
difficult situations? The answer is Yes, and No.

You know when tax time comes around. You know when you
have an appointment with your doctor, you know when you
are late for work.

You did not expect to be pulled over by that police officer who just
happened to see you go through that stop sign. You told him it
was a stop, rolling, but still a stop, and he handed you a ticket.

You also did not expect to get caught in that traffic jam and
end up late for work. Your third time in as many days.
Which means that you didn’t expect to have to explain to
your boss why you were (again) late for work, and of course
you may not have expected to be fired on such short notice.

Stressed yet?

Setbacks will come in various forms, stages, and will be often untimely
Difficulties of many types will beset everyone at one time or another,
and will likely visit you on numerous occasions.Problems, and your reactions to the problems will vary from situation to situation.Some issues will seem bigger than others, and some not so important.

Why is that?

The basic reason is that life has taught you certain things. Among those”Life’s Lessons” that you have learned, you have developed both healthy and unhealthy attitudes toward various ideologies, people, and even life in general.

When a problem arises that requires you to make decisions you may
be faced with something that is important to you, or it may be just
another “Thing” for you to handle.

If you are the boss who has to fire someone, then the decision to fire an
employee may or not be a difficult one.

If the person is constantly late, doesn’t do his job, and argues with you, then what emotions have this person’s behaviors elicited in you, and how hard will it be to make your decision?

If this person is doing well, has a new family, is a hard worker, very likeable,
and has been doing a great job for 3 years, but due to cutbacks you have to
make the decision to end his employment without notice, or fire someone else who has more seniority on the job, but isn’t quite as good.

Now what would you do? 

The limits that you set for your “Stress” convenience
Each time you encounter some uncomfortable situation, whether
it’s tax time, encounter time, deadline time, etc., you will experience
stress either at an emotional level, physical level, or both.

Emotional levels

Emotions will have a major impact on how your perceptions of situations
are handled. Also, there are really only two ways it can go, that is

1. You can feel comfortable in a situation,

2. Or you can be threatened in some way, in the same identical situation.

When you are used to something, when you encounter a situation where
this “Something” shows up (person, pet, item, etc.), your emotions will
be bored, and you will go about business as usual.

Let’s say that you are afraid of spiders, and you walk out of your door only
to walk into that one spot, where only a spider could find, that spot that
spans your door frame and you have no choice but to walk into that
blasted spider web. Business as usual gets tossed out in favor of a
blood curdling scream.

fear the smiling spider?

Now you know that not everyone is afraid of spiders, just as not everyone is
afraid of snakes, math, flying in planes, people, and so on.

You may be one of the few who is afraid of golf, because you once were on the putting green half-bent over to sink that putt when you heard “Four”. Well, you were the only one who stood up to see what was happening and the ball hit you in the head and knocked you out. What were the chances.

Seriously, if you’re not afraid of something, someone else probably is.

Emotions play a major role in how you deal with stress.

Logically, you can know that what you fear is not realistic, but you are
still fearful. And, logically you know that it makes very little sense to be
afraid of something that is probably not going to give you any problems,
but you are still stressed when your “Nemesis” rears up on its hind legs
and lets you know it is watching.

You let your emotions tell you that it is “Better to be safe than sorry”.

This is the Emotional Convenience that I just referred to, and it makes
it easy for you to NOT get over irrational fears. Allowing your emotions
to be in charge, rather than your intellect and knowledge, is an
Emotional Convenience designed to continue the same pattern and
reaction to the same, or similar stimuli.

(I thought I’d throw in a touch of psychology talk).

Physical Levels

You have experienced the physical side of things already, and you are aware
of what happens to you, and how you feel when you get nervous, fearful,
or confused. The bottom line is that you are dealing with variations of fear.

Yes, fear stresses and can be a major and “Stressful” sticking point to
getting things done, improving your finances, or simply surviving.

So, what are some of the things that are physically thrown at you when
you are stressed, and uncertain?

You have already experienced:
1. Increased muscle tension
2. Rising blood pressure
3. Your mouth getting dry

And, you’re still here.
The above are but a few of the many physiological changes that
take place when you are under stress.

When Stress and Performance Collide

When you are working on a project, no matter what it is, your performance
is affected by the situations (both good and bad) that you encounter.

When you reach what you consider a milestone achievement, and experience
a positive outcome, you have an automatic boost in self-confidence, and
in the motivation needed to continue your project or endeavor.

When you have a setback, or are confronted by a setback or situations
that stress you out, you may find yourself looking backward wondering why
you even began what you are now doing.

Your stresses will eat away at your self-confidence and motivation.
Depending on the severity of the stressors, you may find yourself
experiencing self-defeat and giving up.

Defeating self-defeat and overcoming the obstacles that get in
your way is one end of the spectrum.

The other end of this spectrum is just accepting
defeat, and quitting. There are many other stops on this colorful
spectrum of challenge such as:

  1. Completing your goal, but very slowly.
  2. Becoming an expert at procrastination.
  3. Amazing yourself by coming up with extraordinary excuses.
  4. Finishing ahead of schedule, but you have to do everything over.
  5. You finish, your results “Suck”, and you settle for less than your best.

Stress is usually caused by uncertainty and fear. When stress happens,
you can take many directions to reduce your stress. Depending on the
direction that you take, you can still be successful.

Now it’s your choice.

You can lower your expectations or . . .

You can just settle for less than your best.

Which will you choose?



Overcoming setbacks like the Covid-19 virus

How do you go about building yourself back up after the Covid 19
problems have left you with:

=> Less money?
=> Less freedom?
=> Fewer options (seemingly) going forward?
=> Fewer hours at work – if you are still working?
=> More Worries
=> More frustration

What you do have is more time:
=> To think
=> To Plan
=> For getting things done
=> For family
=> Building relationships
=> Building trust

Covid-19 problems have forced most of us into a rebuilding process,
or if nothing else, to just make us get used to a different way of life, lifestyle, and work (if only temporary).

This virus, and how it has been handled, has essentially turned this
world upside down.

Or, maybe you haven’t you noticed, or been affected in any way,
and is it just me who doesn’t know which way is up anymore.

Building yourself back up from these Covid 19 problems, both real and
conjectured, has usually been a major challenge for you, me, and
and most everyone else.

In many places, things are getting back so a somewhat normal state, but
other places are continuing to place more restrictions on “life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness”. Maybe those last few words ring a bell.

Now the big thing is the “Delta Variant”. I also ran across another
article talking about another variant called “Lamda”.

Will this end? NO! Do viruses mutate? Yes. Covid will continue to
mutate, but hopefully become less dangerous. The standard flu changes
every year and the Feds play a guessing game as to which vaccine
should be given each year.

So much for the health lecture. The bottom line is. . .


Performance, at its core, is based on only a few things.

1. Desire
2. Determination
3. Perseverence

There is much more to these three things, and each carries its own
set of rules, and there are more that should be added to the list, as
well as the debates on which is most important, but these are some of
the basics that you need to improving your performance.

Many people are still thriving through all of this Covid inconvenience.
Look at the folks who began manufacturing face masks, they are making
out like “Bandits” (probably supplying face coverings to real bandits).

Seriously, here is a sort of checklist of things you may want to ask.

a. How have these events affected you? Good way, not so good.

b. What have you done to counter these affects if they are not good? Something/Nothing

c. If “Something”, then did your problem get solved? (“Yes”, “No”, “Maybe”, “Kind of”, or “Hell if I know”.)

d. When you realized your problem was not solved, did you try again?
Go over what you did the first time? Change anything from your
first attempt to counter the problem?

e. Did I get professional advice?

The more you organize, set up, and follow through on any journey, the better
will be your performance. That said, the better you organize, set-up, and
follow through to solve a problem, not only will your performance be noticed,
but you will also reach a much higher level of success.

Enough for now.


Self-Talking or Listening?

How good are your self-talk listening skills?

Listening is a “Major Player” when it comes to being successful.
Listening is also a critical, and integral, part of personal performance.

But who is it that you are listening to?

When we are children we listen to our parents (big choice there right?). We grow up and listen to our boss, spouse, and yes, still our parents.

Does your performance depend upon any of them? No, and their is usually negative.

Your Personal Performance is under YOUR control and no one else’s. The dreams and goals that you have, and the effort that you take to get them, are directed by your thoughts, your work, and your listening skills.

Yes, listening to a mentor, coach, or and expert is very helpful to your success. However, listening you yourself may be the most important thing that you can do to improve your performance.

listening skills

Good News – Bad News

Whenever we are working, playing, or even just sitting around, we talk to ourselves. The obvious term for this is Self-Talk.

Self-talk is what we say to ourselves when we are happy, sad, frustrated, working, competing, driving, or just sitting watching the Telly.

Some of our self-talk is disregarded and of not much importance. That’s the “Good” news.

It may surprise you to know that a lot of negative self-talk is likely to be hanging around your neck like a 100 kilo dumbbell.

Inside of your brain is the one hundred pound kettlebell. It can really “Ring your bell”!

Self-talk is actually that “Deal Breaker” that you associate with business transactions.

Depending on the things that go through your mind when you are working to accomplish something that is new, that you do not understand, or if things just are not going the way they should, self-talk can destroy your dreams. That’s the “Bad” news.

Self-talk is one of those things that we learn as we grow older. By the time we are 10-12 years old, we have developed a lot of bad self-talk habits.

Negative Self-Talk

You have probably heard it said that “We are our own worst enemy”. This is certainly true when it come to talking to one’s self. Most people are extremely critical of themselves.

“I hate myself”, “I’m stupid”, “What’s wrong with me?” “Ill never learn”, and more extreme is “I wish I were dead!” (but not really). All we really want are answers to our problems.

Unfortunately, many of these self-talk bad habits are solidly set by the time we are teenagers and young adults. You listen to your parents, siblings, friends, and relatives get angry, frustrated, who say negative things, often about themselves, and as young children we pick up these habits – good and bad.

If you are lucky, you will be around people who are focused on achievement, willing to find solutions to problems, have work ethics that others envy, and do not spend days, weeks and months drowning in their own sorrow.

People who are raised in a positive environment are much more likely to have a more productive and successful life, and lifestyle. There are no guarantees that your productivity will be amazingly high, or your self-talk habits will be better than most, but you have had good mentoring, and likely still have access to good mentoring.

I’m a loser and life SUCKS!

So what can you do if you were not lucky enough to have a positive influence when you were growing up? Plenty!

Nobody, not even the most successful have pure positive self-talk going on all of the time. Everyone makes mistakes, and when that happens we begin by taking it out on ourselves (maybe you have noticed). Actually, many of the most successful are the most critical of themselves, that is, with this slight exception. . .

The exception is that they do not dwell on the failures that occur, but quickly work to find solutions to problems.

It is important to accept failure as part of doing business with life. Life comes and goes, and how you think in life determines how you live, feel, enjoy, and what your legacy will be that you will someday leave behind.

Experts, Coaches, Mentors

From a psychology standpoint, it has been shown that if you say something enough times, most people will end up believing that “Something” – true or not (i.e. is the world really flat?).

So, how many times in your life have you called yourself stupid, loser, worthless, or some other derogatory name? Probably enough times that you have that belief. Unconscious maybe, but it is still ingrained in your mind, and int the way you structure your life.

Is there a problem with getting help?

If you are not an electrician and your lights go out, do you attempt to fix everything yourself? Sure, you check the breakers or fuses, you stand and stare at all of the wires, but you end up calling an electrician who tells you that your house almost burned down (because YOU tried to put in a switch yourself and you wired it wrong). Now you can call yourself another name! Go ahead, I’ll wait.

If your house is burning, do you wait to call the fire department? You are having chest pains, passing out, and are short of breath. Do you check the internet to find a solution? You are more likely to be on your way to a doctor or emergency room.

Why is it that you are unwilling to find someone who can help you re-structure your thought processes, guide you toward a better understanding of what you really are able to do, give you the confidence to do it, and create that positive mindset that you have been missing all this time?

Psychology, Psychiatry, Experts in your field of interest, Coaches, and Mentors are all people who can help take that “Monkey” off your back. If you are willing (the big “IF”) to seek out help, you can usually find it.

One of the things that is almost ALWAYS brought to my attention by people is the cost. “I could never afford you”. “I don’t think I can swing it”. One of my favorites is: “My credit card is maxed out”.

It is not about the money, and hardly ever is a monetary issue.
It is about fear, self-deception, and change. It is fear of change,
and not believing in yourself. “Oh, I could never do that”. But you
still keep trying to do “That”.

I have been offering 5 days of totally free coaching for some time now, and
some people actually take me up on my offer. Most people who see the offer
do not take me up on it. Why not? Fear!

If you fail you will again have to listen to your own negativity. The other side is that if you actually do succeed, then maybe you won’t beat verbally yourself up so much.

Some people are just curious, some don’t feel they need help, but when you
come to my site, or see my offer somewhere, you are looking for answers.
Most of the time I have those answers.

The reason is that if I, or someone else gives you the answers, but you don’t make the effort to do anything differently, then you will be listening to yourself, once again,
and you will be calling yourself names. Failure! Stupid! “You can’t
do anything! It’s not that you “Can’t” do anything, it’s that you “Don’t” do anything.

It is important to understand is that you don’t have to be mean to yourself.
What coaching, mentoring, counseling, or whatever you want to call it,
will teach you, is how NOT to verbally keep stabbing yourself in the back.

Some people are great listeners when it comes to listening to others. Formal schooling in the areas of counseling and psychology requires classes where listening skills are taught.
Even the best listeners often fall prey to self-destructive behavior.

Think about it – even “Shrinks” have their own “Shrinks”.

Personal listening skills are strengthened by just listening. Plus, one more thing – PAYING ATTENTION! You must know when negativity is triggered, and what triggers are causing your negative self-talk.

You already know that when you make a mistake that causes you to lose time, money, or status, that you are not nice to yourself. Even the best of the best have this problem.

We can all handle a little self-criticism, but when “Little” turns into an avalanche of self-destructive self-talk and behavior, then you have a real problem.
You are not alone. Most people unnecessarily self-sabotage because of their fears, which can lead to self-destructive behaviors.

Try these 3 tips to more positive self-talk.

POINT #1: Pay attention to how often you criticize yourself.

POINT #2:  Limit your self-criticizing.  1-2-3 words, 1 minute, etc.

POINT #3: Let yourself know when you are done criticizing – then STOP!

POINT #4: Get on with fixing your problem. Finish.

I like to hover over points 2&3 sometimes. I yell and scream at myself (not in public),
and deliberately go overboard with my negativity.

What this does (for me) is it makes me start laughing. I end up feeling a bit silly and am more conscious of my feelings and how I am reacting to situations.

Think about all of the things that you have overcome.
Consider all of the things that you have done that you never
thought you could do – but you did them.

You can do much more than you now allow yourself. By breaking the negative mental cycles, you will amaze yourself at what you can accomplish.

who will you listen to?

So who are you listening to?