Self-Talking or Listening?

How good are your listening skills?

Listening is a “Major Player” when it comes to being successful.
Listening is also a critical, and integral, part of personal performance.

But who is it that you are listening to?

When we are children we listen to our parents (big choice there right?). We grow up and listen to our boss, spouse, and yes, still our parents.

Does your performance depend upon any of them? No, and their is usually negative.

Your Personal Performance is under YOUR control and no one else’s. The dreams and goals that you have, and the effort that you take to get them, are directed by your thoughts, your work, and your listening skills.

Yes, listening to a mentor, coach, or and expert is very helpful to your success. However, listening you yourself may be the most important thing that you can do to improve your performance.

listening skills

Good News – Bad News

Whenever we are working, playing, or even just sitting around, we talk to ourselves.
The obvious term for this is Self-Talk.

Self-talk is what we say to ourselves when we are happy, sad, frustrated, working, competing,
driving, or just sitting watching the Telly.

Some of our self-talk is disregarded and of not much importance. That’s the “Good” news.

It may surprise you to know that a lot of negative self-talk is likely to be hanging around your neck like a 100 kilo dumbbell.
Inside of your brain is the one hundred pound kettlebell. It can really “Ring your bell”!

Self-talk is actually that “Deal Breaker” that you associate with business transactions.

Depending on the things that go through your mind when you are working to accomplish something that is new, that you do not understand, or if things just are not going the way they should, self-talk can destroy your dreams. That’s the “Bad” news.

Self-talk is one of those things that we learn as we grow older. By the time we are 10-12 years old, we have developed a lot of bad self-talk habits.

Negative Self-Talk

You have probably heard it said that “We are our own worst enemy”. This is certainly true when it come to talking to one’s self. Most people are extremely critical of themselves.

“I hate myself”, “I’m stupid”, “What’s wrong with me?” “Ill never learn”, and more extreme is “I wish I were dead!” (but not really). All we really want are answers to our problems.

Unfortunately, many of these self-talk bad habits are solidly set by the time we are teenagers and young adults. You listen to your parents, siblings, friends, and relatives get angry, frustrated, who say negative things, often about themselves, and as young children we pick up these habits – good and bad.

If you are lucky, you will be around people who are focused on achievement, willing to find solutions to problems, have work ethics that others envy, and do not spend days, weeks and months drowning in their own sorrow.

People who are raised in a positive environment are much more likely to have a more productive and successful life, and lifestyle. There are no guarantees that your productivity will be amazingly high, or your self-talk habits will be better than most, but you have had good mentoring, and likely still have access to good mentoring.

I’m a loser and life SUCKS!

So what can you do if you were not lucky enough to have a positive influence when you were growing up? Plenty!

Nobody, not even the most successful have pure positive self-talk going on all of the time. Everyone makes mistakes, and when that happens we begin by taking it out on ourselves (maybe you have noticed). Actually, many of the most successful are the most critical of themselves, with this slight exception. . .

The exception is that they do not dwell on the failures that occur, but quickly work to find solutions to problems.

It is important to accept failure as part of doing business with life. Life comes and goes, and how you think in life determines how you live, feel, enjoy, and what your legacy will be that you will someday leave behind.

Experts, Coaches, Mentors

In psychology, it is a known fact that if you say something enough times, people will believe it. So, how many times in your life have you called yourself stupid, loser, worthless, or some other derogatory name? Probably enough times that you have that belief. Unconscious maybe, but it is still ingrained in your mind and how you do things.

Is there a problem with getting help?

If you are not an electrician and your lights go out, do you attempt to fix everything yourself? Sure, you check the breakers or fuses, you stand and stare at all of the wires, but you end up calling an electrician who tells you that your house almost burned down (because YOU tried to put in a switch yourself and you wired it wrong). Now you can call yourself another name! Go ahead, I’ll wait.

If your house is burning, do you wait to call the fire department? You are having chest pains, passing out, and are short of breath. Do you check the internet to find a solution? You are more likely to be on your way to a doctor or emergency room.

Why is it that you are unwilling to find someone who can help you re-structure your thought processes, guide you toward a better understanding of what you really are able to do, give you the confidence to do it, and create that positive mindset that you have been missing all this time?

Psychology, Psychiatry, Experts in your field of interest, Coaches, and Mentors are all people who can help take that “Monkey” off your back. If you are willing (the big “IF”) to seek out help, you can usually find it.

One of the things that is almost ALWAYS brought to my attention by people is the cost.
“I could never afford you”. “I don’t think I can swing it”.
One of my favorites is: “My credit card is maxed out”.

It is not about the money, and hardly ever is a monetary issue.
It is about fear, self-deception, and change. It is fear of change,
and not believing in yourself. “Oh, I could never do that”. But you
still keep trying to do “That”.

I have been offering 5 days of totally free coaching for some time now, and
some people actually take me up on my offer. Most people who see the offer
do not take me up on it. Why not? Fear!

If you fail you will again have to listen to your own negativity. The other side is that if you actually do succeed, then maybe you won’t beat verbally yourself up so much.

Some people are just curious, some don’t feel they need help, but when you
come to my site, or see my offer somewhere, you are looking for answers.
Most of the time I have those answers.

If you know that I have the answers, why don’t you sign up and get them? They are free.
The reason is that if you have the answers, but don’t make the effort to
do anything different, you will listening to yourself, once again,
and you will be calling yourself names. Failure! Stupid! “You can’t
do anything!

What you don’t understand is that you don’t have to do that to yourself.
What coaching, mentoring, counseling, or whatever you want to call it,
will teach you, is how NOT to verbally keep stabbing yourself in the back.

Some people are great listeners when it comes to listening to others. Formal schooling in the areas of counseling and psychology requires classes where listening skills are taught.
Even the best listeners often fall prey to self-destructive behavior.

Even “Shrinks” have their own “Shrinks”.

Personal listening skills are strengthened by just listening. Plus, one more thing – PAYING ATTENTION!
You must know when, and what triggers are causing negative internal feedback.

you already know that when you make a mistake that causes you to lose time, money, or status, that
you are not nice to yourself. Even the best of the best have this problem.
We can all handle a little self-criticism, but when “Little” turns
into an avalanche of self-destructive self-talk and behavior, then
you have a real problem. You are not alone, many people do this,
and most don’t need to, because of their fears, and now self-destructive behaviors.

Try these 3 tips to more positive self-talk.

POINT #1: Pay attention to how often you criticize yourself.

POINT#2:Let yourself know when you are done – then STOP!

POINT #3: Get on with fixing your problem. Finish.

I like to hover over point 2 sometimes. I yell and scream at myself (not in public),
and deliberately go overboard with my negativity. What this does (for me)
is it makes me start laughing. I end up feeling a bit silly and am
more conscious of my feelings and how I am reacting to things.

Think about all of the things that you have overcome.
Think about all of the things that you have done that you never
thought you could do – but you did them.

You can do much more than you now allow yourself. By breaking the negative mental cycles, you will amaze yourself at what you can accomplish.

who will you listen to?


So who are you listening to?

Focus considerations and your productivity

 

Stay Focused On The Things That Matter

Focus considerations are important to your productivity.

If you can’t stay focused, you can’t be productive.

Let me get focused by asking you just one question? Okay – a few questions.

>> How long have you been trying to get your share of the online “Pie” – like forever?

>> Is effectively getting things done on time a problem for you?

>> Do you find that you never have enough time to finish projects?

 

Yes? Well Hallelujah! You are now in the majority of those who say:

===> WOW! Frustration never felt so good!”

===>“I just loooooove not being able to make things work!”

===>“Getting ahead – what the @$*# is that?”

 

Hey, don’t sweat it. Let me tell you a little secret…

Most people struggle for years before they figure it out.

It took me over 5 years online to succeed, but I did it.

What made the difference – that little thing called “Focus”.

 

 

When you first started out learning something new, you
simply didn’t know what to focus on. You also didn’t know
what NOT to focus on.

What? Where? When? How much? AAAAAHHHHHH!

I got it. Confusion. Unhappy family, Unhappy you,
and to top things off, you’re bombarded By B.S.

Are you ready to be done with all of that?

There is always a better way – and I have it!

Take it from someone who lives with A.D.D. every day.

Focus is tough for everyone, but it is not tougher than you.

Want a couple of “Focus” tips?

Okay for starters,

1.  Set a goal.

Tell yourself EXACTLY what you need to do.
(Check out this page – it will help you)

2. Pay close attention to what you do when you work

When you pay close attention to what you do when you work, you keep the “Distraction” thieves at bay.

3.  What are you doing now?

If what you are doing is not related to your goal, STOP!

And now that I have answered all of your questions…
Yeah, RIGHT!

One more thing, here is a link that will answer a lot
more questions than I can in an email. 
Check it out now!

Is it important to be goal specific?

Is your destination “Goal Specific?

Why is it important to be goal specific?

The answer lies in simplicity. 

The more specific you are when you create a goal, the
easier it is to break down your goal into simpler, more
manageable pieces. Is your plan Goal Specific?

Knowing all of the pros and cons of what you want to do is one
of the most important aspects of goal success.  Understanding what
it is going to take to implement the goal setting process, will
help you to know what your needs are along the way.

What? You thought that you just tell yourself “Do This” and
it just happens? No, I’m sure that’s not the case.
You’re smarter than that, but you may not have realized
the “Why” part of Why it is important to be goal specific.

Goal Specific Tip #1: Evaluate!

When you begin to process what your goal is about, or needs
to be, you must look at “All the angles”.

Don’t just say “I will build my child’s treehouse by next Saturday”

While this carries a specific nature, it is not as goal specific as
it needs to be.

I will build my child’s treehouse in “X” tree, using Cedar lumber
from (building supply, garage, etc.). The design will be My own,
from a plan, at a cost of approximately “X” dollars/Euros/?/.
I can do this in my spare time (evenings and weekends) 
within 7 days.

Now, what is the difference in the goal specific content
between the two? A lot.

So, why is the second better than the first?

Goal Specific Tip #2:  Simplify

Always simplify when possible.

In the second, and more goal specific statement, you can look at many
aspects of the goal.  This allows you to more easily re-state portions of
your goal that will not fit with the plan.

For instance, maybe cedar is not the wood that is available to you.
What are your alternatives?

Maybe you bought a plan that will not allow construction in the tree
that you have chosen. Now what? Can you modify the plan? Can you
modify the tree (not my best choice – I like trees)?

 

Goal Specific Tip #3:  What about that plan ‘B’?

You need to always be aware that you may need a “Plan ‘B’ “.

As situations, challenges, and even simply life can attempt to
subvert your plans, keeping tabs on alternatives is always
a great idea.

The more that you understand your goal (i.e. specific aspects),
the better you can pick out where things can go wrong, and
where possible changes may be needed.

There is almost always more than “ONE WAY” to do things.

Challenges will come and go no matter what you do.
The better prepared you are, the more likely you will be
to see you plan through to its finish.

In Summary, 
===> Always evaluate your plan, be goal specific, and set up your goal accordingly.

===> Simplify your goal when possible to more easily understand its pros and cons.

===> Remember that alternatives usually exist for any challenge.

 

Keep these Goal Specific Tips in mind and you will not have
to say “I Quit” to your plans.  Just a little “Sidestep” will do.

Get more work done in less time

Get more work done in less time!

You can get more work done in less time with this #1 productivity habit.
We all have distractions, and we all know what they are.

3 of the most common distractions are:

    • Videos
    • Cell Phones
    • Email

The absolutely biggest, and NUMBER 1 thing you can do
to improve your performance is to delete your distractions.
,
Of course distractions are going to happen.
If you are like most people, then you should know you will lose
over 3 hours of work time every day due to distractions.

What this means is that if you are working for yourself,
and you are Maxed Out on the distraction scale,
then you may quickly find that you have no business, or
that your business needs hospitalization.

sick work performance

Since most people find themselves working online these days,
Most of the distractions come in digital form which is why
email, video, and cell phones are the most common distractions.

The #1 thing that you can do to improve your work performance
and productivity, or your personal performance, is to eliminate as
many distractions as you possibly can.

Of course you also have the general “Website Bounce”.
That is simply going from site to site looking
for – well, you usually don’t know what you are looking for,
you’re just looking.

Offline Distractions

We also lose things, we have to quiet down our children,
take care of bills, clean, talk with people on the phone, grocery shop, and
there are many other things that get in the way of getting our “Major” things done.

Some things just happen, and we are distracted. There are other things
that don’t have to happen to distract us offline.


=>Take your dogs out before you begin your work.

=> Find something for your kids to do that will keep them busy
for a couple of hours.

=> Whatever it is that you are working on, have ALL of your tools handy.
You can waste a lot of your time looking for things.

=> No matter what you are doing, BE ORGANIZED.

Know, or have a very good idea of, what comes next. Being organized helps you to know
what you have done, and what you still need to do.

There is no “Right” or “Wrong” here. Some people are naturally better able
to get things done in an organized and efficient manner.

It is important to always be aware of the #1 productivity habit for working effectively.
So what is your answer? pay attention to what you are doing.
Finding yourself doing something unrelated to your work means, CUT IT OFF!

If you keep in mind the things that you must do,
and why you must do them, then staying focused can become easier.
It takes practice to discipline your mind to keep your destination
at the forefront of distraction.

The magic of the #1 productivity habit that helps you work better, is that it
helps you to focus and stay on track with what you are doing.

Fewer distractions means greater productivity.

Cutting Work Time

Okay, let’s say you have noticed, and identified several of your major time wasters.
How will this save you time?

Since the average person wastes at least 3 hours a day
if you can cut just 1 hour of wasted time, then you have 5 extra
hours a week that you can do something else, or you have produced
5 more hours of productive work.

You’ve heard the saying “Time is money”. If you work for an
employer, your time is their money. If you work for yourself,
then your time becomes even more valuable, and important.

We all would like to be getting more work done in less time,
thus we would have more “Free” time (if there is such a thing).

If you are like me, then you know the feeling of
“There always seems to be something else to be done”, and so you find it.
Even a few minutes of extra time can be a blessing.

Distraction Discovery for less work

This makes one of my clients sound, well – not so bright (sorry client).
Let me tell you about one of my former clients who wanted to
get more focused.

He was an IT guy who
spent most of his day on the computer.
This meant that he had unlimited time on the internet, and most of us do.

I asked him “What are some of the things that draw you away from your work (distractions)?”

His answer was “I have no distractions”. I found that interesting,
since every living thing on the planet gets distracted – at least people do.

After about 5 minutes of getting nowhere, I asked him if he could
monitor everything he did for a two hour span of his work time.

Slightly insulted, he uttered the old cliche’ “Does a bear (you know what) in the woods?”
In addition, I asked him if he would be able to send me a copy of what sites he used, and
how long he was at those sites? “Sure” he said, “But it will be boring”.

“Fine, make certain the what you are working on has no confidential information.
I just want to use you as an example of how well someone can focus.”

The Reveal

Several days later he sent me a copy of his previous day’s 3 (I asked for 2) hours of work.

I was pretty impressed for his first hour. Then I saw:

=> Gmail (20 minutes)
=> Instagram (30 minutes)
=> YouTube (20+ minutes)
=> Porn site (5+ minutes)

I was really glad to see that he never gets distracted.

social media distraction

When I met with him again, I asked him about the time he spent,
not about the site visits. Some things are legit (except the porn thing).

He told me that he was networking on Instagram, answering business
emails on Gmail, checking his competition on YouTube.

“And the 5 minutes on the porn site”? I asked.

“I didn’t see that in your survey sheet, or I would have deleted it.” he replied.

Bottom line is that he gets distracted a lot, and for a good part of his work time.
I was very blunt and explained that his excuses will do him any good,
so he was simply deceiving himself about his time.

We worked up a plan, and immediately began to see that he could get more
work done in less time than he had been able to before. He was pleasantly surprised.

get more work done in less time

It is not necessary to use monitoring software to log everything you do.
It is important to notice when you are not doing the work you were working on.

One thing about us humans is that we can re-focus our attention in an instant.
One second we are working on a graphic, the next we are reading through, and answering our emails.

I used to read emails that I already knew I was going to delete. DUH!

When you work at saving time, you will want to periodically take a mental break.
Most of us do this automatically, as our brains can only handle so much.
When your mind begins to wander, alert yourself as to what you are doing right then.

Everyone is different. You may, or you may not realize that distraction is occurring.
There is one thing for certain, if you cannot control and eliminate
unnecessary distractions, you will not get more work done in less time,
but you will often find yourself needing more time to complete projects.

Keep your eye focused toward your road ahead

Keep your eyes, and your mind, focused on your road ahead. focus on the road ahead By staying focused on where you are going, you can maintain your motivation and achieve your dreams. Maybe you are one of the lucky few who is never distracted by anything. REALLY? Did you know that the average loss of work EACH DAY is over 3 hours. That means for every 8 hours that you are getting paid, you are only working for 5 hours – maybe. Then, considering that the average attention span of most individuals is only 20 to 30 minutes (and that’s at the high end) long, then there is several minutes of “Dead” time used to re-group and gather back our thoughts, leaving us with working not more than 4-1/2 hours in a work day. So you’re upset that you are only making $20/hr. Well guess what? You no longer have to carry a frown. You are really making over $35/hr.

The less you work, the more you make.

With that in mind, consider which is more beneficial to you. . .

Would you be better off wasting all of that time, still getting your paycheck,

OR,

would it benefit you to out perform your peers (they waste time too) and set yourself up for advancement in your industry?

Which road in front of you are you going to take?

which road will you take?

Where Performance Begins. . .

Where performance begins is not just on the playing field. Have you
ever wondered why is it that there many successful people
doing many successful things?

What makes YOUR performance great, but someone else’s mediocre?

==> That “Someone else” seems to work just as hard, and diligently as you.

==> The subject is pretty similar.

==> The work seems to be pretty much the same.

Yet . . .

performance head banging

                        OUCH!

That someone may find him/herself banging their head against that wall!

Your performance seems to “Catch on” with people, and people always
seem to want more of what you have to give them.

So just what is it that makes YOU the successful one, and this other
chap, who works with similar things, in similar ways, just does not
seem to be able to get any traction.

Or, maybe it is you who is watching someone else doing something.
You attempt to do similar things, in similar ways, you even work
with similar subject matter.

It is now YOU who is trying to keep from floundering and failing.

Obviously, there must be a difference. Right?

If there were no difference, then you would have to expect the
exact same results. Yet, when you attempt to do the same things,
in the same way, you have little or no success.

Soooooooo, what’s the difference?

       performance

Common sense would tell us that there must be a difference.
If there were no difference, your copied results should be identical.

But they are not!

“Why not?” You ask. Well, I’m glad that you asked.

You work differently than other people. Likely just as hard, or harder.
You write differently than other people.
You see things differently than do others.
You make different mistakes than others are making.

There is always going to be something missing, or different.

When things don’t seem to work out well, it is important to
find out what that missing link might be that inhibits your progress.
This is why understanding where performance begins for you is important.

Performance Mode

Is your mind in its “Performance Mode”?

We  have all heard at some time or other the
now cliche’d phrase “You are what you eat”.

That may be true in some aspects of health,
but it is not true in business, or personal performance.

Of course you need to be healthy to perform and
do your work and daily activities, but the world of
business and expectations does not always care
how your health is, business is performance driven.

The main thing that you do when you first begin
any project is to focus on the finished result.

You gather together what you need, you begin
and work with the intention of getting it done in
as timely, efficient, and with as much quality as
time will allow.

Then what happens?

If your task takes you over several hours to complete,
you find yourself mentally wandering about in unconscious
desperation trying to get away from this now “Annoying Project”
that it has become.

Distractions now seem to pop up at every level, and you
find that checking your email, or watching someone else getting
distracted by you, seems to be added to your “To Do” list for your “Project”.

WARNING – Beware of those kitten videos, they can delay
any project for hours!

What Do I do?

Your mind is the performer.  It’s not “You are what you eat”
in the world of productivity, but rather “You are how you think.”

When you think in “Performance Mode”, you are not just
doing mindless tasks.  Each task will have a purpose, every
piece of your puzzle that you put into place will have meaning
and be done with purpose and efficiency.

When your work begins to get distracted by other things,
you know that you are out of the “Zone of Productivity”.

Your mind is now creating false motivations due to what is
basically information overload.

Just as the elite athlete must take a break on occasion from
the physical stresses that come with high-level performance,
so do you as you perform work at a higher mental level
than most people.

How do I stay in “Performance Mode”?

During competition an endurance athlete must stay focused,
and be ready to keep mentally ready to dig deep inside, and
focus on the outcome, not the physical stress.

The seasoned athlete can do this only because of constant,
consistent, focused, and dedicated coaching and practice.   

You can get to a high-level performance by practicing your
mental focus.  When you find that your mind begins to latch
onto something that is unrelated, or unnecessary for the
project that you are working on, you mentally drop that thought
and pull your mind back to the task at hand.

It can be done, but unless it is done, you will learn to be
distracted more often, and end up getting less work done.
When you hear “Keep up the good work”, what that really
means is “Keep up your good focus”.

Will your past performance influence your future?

Will this new year be your “New Performance”?

It is now early into 2018 (mid-January at the time of this writing).

You may find yourself making all kinds of  “Commitments”
to yourself with the intention of doing something different.

But what will be different?

=> Clean the house once a week
=> Lose weight
=> Organize
=> Make more money
=> Start a business, or make the present on work!

So it is “Start This”, “Quit That”, and all is well – for a month or two.

Then what happens? Right!

NOTHING!

The commitment goes down like an avalanche, and is never
seen or heard from again – until next year.

My question to you, my dear reader, is why do you have
to wait until next year to make things better?

What is the matter with next month?

How about next week? Tomorrow?

TODAY!

There, I’ve said it.  There is absolutely no reason that you
should have to wait to make changes in your life.
Your “New Performance” should begin TODAY.

Face it. All throughout these past years, you have found that
your efforts have fallen short much of the time.

You get:
 Frustrated
 Angry
 Get down on yourself
 Accept depression

and very often you

 Accept defeat

Do you have to let these emotions rule your life?

Of course not.

Emotions don’t just go away, but they don’t need to
be something that gets in the way of successful endeavors.

Emotional behaviors are things such as:
>>> Watching those cat videos just because they are cute.
>>> Getting hung up on a website when searching for something else.
>>> You are on a 20 minute deadline, but decide that you are hungry – and you eat.
>>> Already running late for work, but your “Sweety” is waiting in the bedroom.
>>> 20-page paper due at 8am. Just a small nap. Then you wake up at 7am. Ouch!
>>> How much “Road Rage” is induced by other drivers? NONE! The rage comes from you.

This is the first post on this web site.  I chose the topic “New Performance”
because this site is new, and it is a new beginning for those who are willing to
read, learn, and try.

The very first thing that goes into creating that (“New Performance” [link]) is
the willingness to be a better performer.  You perform every day, and
in most everything that you do, from tying your shoes to how well you
perform your job at work.

The right training = New Skills = New Performance = New YOU!

Let me show you how right now.

SHOW ME

Living without performance simply can’t be done

Why living without performance just can’t be done.

Living without performance is impossible.

When you go to work you there are certain things that are
expected of you, you are expected to perform your tasks
effectively, efficiently, and in a timely manner.

Most of us (myself included) have had jobs that require
learning a specific knowledge base. After the knowledge
is acquired, and as we get better at using that knowledge,
we become very proficient, and expert at those things.

If you are alive, you are performing everyday.
You are never living without performance that reflects
directly back at you.

If you are in a high-level job, or are in business for yourself,
then your job requires that you do much more than just
a set layer of tasks, within a certain time period.

The ability to effectively use your skills in a timely
and efficient manner, is what performance is all about.

There are always things that you can to do
improve your performance.

You can improve your performance by something as simple
as working an hour longer each day.

Improved performance can be achieved by organizing the
files on your computer.

Pay attention to the things that matter to you, and
work toward doing them better.

Get our performance tips.